153. The first sex talk with boys + the four talks after that

Our boys need a lot more from us than the traditional "birds and bees" talk.  Boys need dads who take on the big topic of sexuality as a series of age-specific conversations, not just one fire hose experience in fifth grade!  What do all these funny words mean when I start hearing on the school bus?  How should I use all these new drives and hormones to get closer to a girl relationally and respectively?  When I've been dating for a while, how will I know how far is too far?

Dads and guardians of any son age 10-20, this Journeymen conversation is for you.

OUTLINE & DISCUSSION STARTERS

Talk#1 Introduction.  What is “Sex?”

3rd-5th Grade. “What are we talking about?”

• Have you had your first talk?  If so, tell us how it went.  If not, talk about why you think it can be hard for us fellas to start the first sex talk.
• What would be your way of making these talks more fun for you and your son to talk man to man?

Talk#2 Definitions. All the Words You Have or Will Hear.

5th-6th Grade.  “Does my Dad know more than my punk friends on the bus?”

Talk#3 Relationships.  Connecting the Dots between Physical Attraction and RelationalProgression.

6th-8th Grade.  “I’m noticing girls and might even talk to one someday soon.”

• Talks 2 & 3 are a lot about discussing “logic” with your boy, so let’s pass our best advice and logic as we’d like to give it to our sons.  What’s your best explanation on why learning to relate to a girl is/will be worth your son’s time?  What’s your best logic on how porn will be destructive to our boys’ sexuality?  What’s your best logic on how sex is best saved for marriage?

Talk#4 Boundaries.  How far is too far?

8th-11th Grade.  “I have a girlfriend. It’s lasted a few months.  I’m getting comfortable with her and she’s getting comfortable with me.”

• Offer your thoughts on balancing the following:
  • Parenting a high value for young ladies and their bodies but also parenting the caution that she might be the one leading you down the wrong path.
  • Parenting your son to take the lead on the right choices but also parenting them to read and respect her choices.  
  • Parenting directly on Bible values but honestly admitting where the Bible is unclear and entrusting him with to participate in the setting of values.  

Talk#5 “Dad, I’m getting married.”

20’s-30’s.  “I don’t want to be an idiot in bed.  I don’t want porn to be my tutorial.  Please don’t assume that I’ve learned everything I need to know on my own by now.”

• What insight on sexuality do you wish someone gave you for the early years of marriage?